Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
