he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
