I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's official drugs can't kill me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize