apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
