Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
