why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
