Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
