So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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