so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
