Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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