Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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