I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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