Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
