I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
