just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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