is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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