Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
