dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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