Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
