I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
