just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
