Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
