How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
