I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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