There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
