You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
