I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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