I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
