I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
