Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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