worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
