He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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