I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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