They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
