Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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