oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
