I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
