You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
