Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
