Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
