I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
