Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
