I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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