she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
