my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
