You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
