No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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