I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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