he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
