I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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