did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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