he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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