i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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