my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
