I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
