i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
