life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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