So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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