so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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