ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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