She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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