So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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