It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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