Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
