My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
