This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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