I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
