mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
