She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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