I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
