I hate your face
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
