Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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